Movie Review: Dead Man's Chest *

To make a long review short, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" should not have been released. If you have seen the first movie, you will be sorely disappointed. (if you have not, then go and see it now and pretend that no sequel was ever made) All films of this sort need good special effects, which this one has in spades, but it boasts nothing else to recommend it. Good acting, writing, editing and direction will cover a multitude of special effects shortcomings, but the balance seldom works the other way round. For this film, the non-technical side of the ledger is empty. The characters are wooden compared with their forebears from "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl" and the plot is as thin as a sheet of notebook paper. Davy Jones gives Captain Jack Sparrow the black spot and a struggle for colonial power prompts a search for a chest containing the beating heart of Davy Jones. Some swordfights, cannibals, a seamonster and a Jamaican fortune teller make appearances. Somehow, this movie manages to consume well over two hours of time dealing with this quest. The plot is also confusing, as the monster who is supposed to attack ships bearing a man with the black spot attacks other ships instead. Jack Sparrow gains and loses the black spot for no apparent reason. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley give decent performances, but they get very little help from the screenwriter. It makes no sense in the least for a girl of any era to decry her deprivation of a wedding night more than the loss of her wedding. Johnny Depp, whose performance in the original movie garnered him an Oscar nomination, extends and exaggerates Captain Jack Sparrow's mannerisms. His trademark swagger - sort of a sailor swing - becomes almost effeminate in this latter installment. At the end, as the captain appears set to die, we receive the "intriguing" assurance that a third movie is on the way. How surprising.
Two or three subplots, five or six characters and thirty or forty minutes could be cut from "Dead Man's Chest" completely, and the movie would benefit considerably as a result. I think I'm being generous giving this film one star - the special effects are all that can recommend it. Do not waste your time on this movie.