Awards Debut
Dear Taxpayers,
We've had a candidate for vice-president recently who made his fortune of millions by suing Obstetricians over cerebral palsy cases that he said could have been prevented by Ceasarean sections during the delivery. The lootings committed by his ilk caused the rates of C-sections to quadruple in frequency and drove multiple OB-GYN doctors out of practice. Today, over 50 counties in America have no practicing OB-GYNs at all. The rest of the story, of course, is that the rates of cerebral palsy have not changed since this increase in C-sections. Therefore, all of his lawsuits were most likely frivolous and completely baseless.
In honor of this despicable looter from North Carolina, I'm inaugurating the JOHN EDWARDS AWARD FOR DISTINGUISHED AMBULANCE-CHASING. The award need not go to a lawyer who sues doctors. It can go to any lawyer with a distinguished record for suing productive establishments on behalf of the bereaved. The first winner is Mr. Peter Sullivan of New York, a lawyer representing Ms. Kelly Coakley, who is suing Starbucks for $114 million. Starbucks refused to honor a coupon for one free large iced coffee. Company spokesmen explain that the coupon was an email bonus that was supposed to go only to certain Starbucks employees, but Ms. Coakley received it by mistake, so they did not honor her coupon. I got this story from The Week magazine, under a heading "Only in America." I'd have thought that the most she could sue for would be one large iced coffee, but Mr. Sullivan says his client feels extremely betrayed, so he thinks he's being lenient by demanding $114 million. He is requesting class-action status for the others who might have been misled by the same coupon offer. In fairness to my award's namesake, I'm sure John Edwards was not the first lawyer to make looting productive people his chief pursuit. However, he probably was the first to run for president. Congratulations, Mr. Sullivan. If a few more Americans do what you're doing, we can kiss our prosperity good-bye.
We've had a candidate for vice-president recently who made his fortune of millions by suing Obstetricians over cerebral palsy cases that he said could have been prevented by Ceasarean sections during the delivery. The lootings committed by his ilk caused the rates of C-sections to quadruple in frequency and drove multiple OB-GYN doctors out of practice. Today, over 50 counties in America have no practicing OB-GYNs at all. The rest of the story, of course, is that the rates of cerebral palsy have not changed since this increase in C-sections. Therefore, all of his lawsuits were most likely frivolous and completely baseless.
In honor of this despicable looter from North Carolina, I'm inaugurating the JOHN EDWARDS AWARD FOR DISTINGUISHED AMBULANCE-CHASING. The award need not go to a lawyer who sues doctors. It can go to any lawyer with a distinguished record for suing productive establishments on behalf of the bereaved. The first winner is Mr. Peter Sullivan of New York, a lawyer representing Ms. Kelly Coakley, who is suing Starbucks for $114 million. Starbucks refused to honor a coupon for one free large iced coffee. Company spokesmen explain that the coupon was an email bonus that was supposed to go only to certain Starbucks employees, but Ms. Coakley received it by mistake, so they did not honor her coupon. I got this story from The Week magazine, under a heading "Only in America." I'd have thought that the most she could sue for would be one large iced coffee, but Mr. Sullivan says his client feels extremely betrayed, so he thinks he's being lenient by demanding $114 million. He is requesting class-action status for the others who might have been misled by the same coupon offer. In fairness to my award's namesake, I'm sure John Edwards was not the first lawyer to make looting productive people his chief pursuit. However, he probably was the first to run for president. Congratulations, Mr. Sullivan. If a few more Americans do what you're doing, we can kiss our prosperity good-bye.
posted by Bountyhawk at 9:37 AM
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