Honors Pouring In (A Satirical Acceptance)

I must say that at this time I am grateful for and humbled by the prestigious honor recently bestowed on me for writing this blog. Time magazine has named me Person of the Year, which is probably the highest-profile honor I have ever received. Since I do not affix my name to this blog, the plaque in the Hall of Fame that chronicles the people whom Time honors with this award will note me simply as "Bountyhawk," which is fitting and appropriate. I sent the editor a note to make sure he/she understands that my blog name is one word, not two. As you the reader probably know, the award for Person of the Year is not mine alone. I will point out the distinction of my achievement, however. Of all of my co-winners, how many can say that they won this award after less than four months of blogging?
I would like to thank God, my parents, my teachers and professors in school who taught me how to read and write effectively. I have to thank Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter for the contributions they have made to my style of rhetoric and I must note James Taranto and Jonah Goldberg for their brilliant columns that have informed my opinions and helped shape my worldview. Thanks also to Victor Davis Hanson and Richard Miniter for their excellent works on military history. Last but the opposite of least, a poshumous tribute is due to Ronald Reagan, the Gipper himself, who won the Cold War and gives us cause for hope today. I cannot express how amazing it is to share the honor of Person of the Year with so many of my role models. Thank you very much, and God bless America.